The First Time I Have Had To Let God Play "My Role"

So this morning I woke up and instantly jumped on Facebook to see if there would be any updates from about my "baby sister". Not sure why I was worried there wouldn't be... It's my mom. She is WONDERFUL about keeping everyone updated.

Yesterday morning my brave little sister Molly went in to have a brain/skull surgery. And I wasn't there. I had to accept that God was going to be playing my "big sister" role while I wasn't there. He would be holding her up until the point where I would have had to let go and then he got to go FARTHER and be there through the entire process. I was at school all day yesterday, where I get very little reception. And the second half of the day I had clinical from 2-10:30!!!! This means I was only about to check my phone at our lunch break. Let's just mention how much I hated this. How the heck am I supposed to be helping patients, in a hospital, that aren't my sister. All I wanted was to be at MY SISTER's bedside doing anything and everything I knew how to do for HER. Number one, just holding her. It's a good thing that my patient yesterday didn't need much at all, and when I was in her room she was incredibly sweet. If I would have gotten some cranky old man, he probably would have heard all about how I just wanted to be with my sister.

So, I am sure many of you have already read/heard what is going on with my sister. But for those who have not, I will briefly explain it here!

All of Molly's life she has been having a Migrain, but if not, at least a headache, EVERY SINGLE DAY. I can't even imagine this. I am one of those people who know's something is really wrong if I get a headache because it wont happen more than once a month... if that. Anyways, she has been in and out of different doctors trying to figure out what is going in that big brain of hers. And then they figured out it was just that... her brain was literally too big for her skull. Your brain is supposed to be floating in your skull, free from any pressure on it. My sister's brain was attempting to push out the bottom of her skull. This was putting pressure on her brain and im sure on her spinal cord/nerves as well. Yesterday morning the surgeons went in and made a 6 inch incision down the back of her neck across her skull and spinal cord. (WOW!) And, quoted from my mothers blog, moved the muscles aside to remove the dural band at the base of her skull. This gave the brain more room to move and it floated back up into the skull where it is SUPPOSED to be.

All reports that I have been texted or read on Facebook have all been very encouraging. I couldn't stop praying for her beautiful self all day yesterday and my prayers wont stop until she "can't believe it has already happened". This is when I stopped needing my prayers after my surgery. You get so much anxiety leading up to it: Excited to have the problem fixed, scared its going to hurt, can't picture the hurt so "who cares", back to being excited that it is going to happen! Then it happens. And when you wake up you have a sudden feeling of regret. "NO ONE said I would feel like THIS when I woke up?!" Maybe that's just me, but I feel like you prepare yourself for the results and not for the first day of recovering from a knife going in your body.. Molly woke up to a lot of pain. Thankfully, she was given morphine and was able to go back to sleep. Maybe I should remember that as a nurse. Patient going to surgery need to not only be taught what is going to happen, but also, how they will feel coming out of it. Not just what the first week is going to look like. BUT THE FIRST COUPLE HOURS. Those are honestly the hours I felt least prepared about. I was taught a lot before my surgery and how the next year of my life would be like afterward, but not the first couple hours.

MollDoll, I will still be praying for you today. When you feel up to it, please give me a call. I love you so much. I cried yesterday since I wasn't able to be there with you. And to be honest, I cried today writing this. I started it for other people to read that want to hear an update.. but I'm starting to think I wrote it for myself. I so wish I was there. Yesterday during clinical, I kept saying "I just want to be with my baby sister. She isn't supposed to go get her skull cut open when I am not around!!" I love you so incredibly much. You had no time to prepare for something as big as this, and yet you went into it with God's strength telling you "YOU CAN DO THIS!" Your strength is encouraging to me. If you can do that through God, then there is nothing anyone should ever question being able to do. Just know that I am sending my love, my prayers, my hugs, my kisses and my snugs.. (: I'll be home in two weeks for you. Wait for me!

Love,

The first time an older sister has had a real hard time "being there" for her baby sister.