The First Time I Have Had To Let God Play "My Role"

So this morning I woke up and instantly jumped on Facebook to see if there would be any updates from about my "baby sister". Not sure why I was worried there wouldn't be... It's my mom. She is WONDERFUL about keeping everyone updated.

Yesterday morning my brave little sister Molly went in to have a brain/skull surgery. And I wasn't there. I had to accept that God was going to be playing my "big sister" role while I wasn't there. He would be holding her up until the point where I would have had to let go and then he got to go FARTHER and be there through the entire process. I was at school all day yesterday, where I get very little reception. And the second half of the day I had clinical from 2-10:30!!!! This means I was only about to check my phone at our lunch break. Let's just mention how much I hated this. How the heck am I supposed to be helping patients, in a hospital, that aren't my sister. All I wanted was to be at MY SISTER's bedside doing anything and everything I knew how to do for HER. Number one, just holding her. It's a good thing that my patient yesterday didn't need much at all, and when I was in her room she was incredibly sweet. If I would have gotten some cranky old man, he probably would have heard all about how I just wanted to be with my sister.

So, I am sure many of you have already read/heard what is going on with my sister. But for those who have not, I will briefly explain it here!

All of Molly's life she has been having a Migrain, but if not, at least a headache, EVERY SINGLE DAY. I can't even imagine this. I am one of those people who know's something is really wrong if I get a headache because it wont happen more than once a month... if that. Anyways, she has been in and out of different doctors trying to figure out what is going in that big brain of hers. And then they figured out it was just that... her brain was literally too big for her skull. Your brain is supposed to be floating in your skull, free from any pressure on it. My sister's brain was attempting to push out the bottom of her skull. This was putting pressure on her brain and im sure on her spinal cord/nerves as well. Yesterday morning the surgeons went in and made a 6 inch incision down the back of her neck across her skull and spinal cord. (WOW!) And, quoted from my mothers blog, moved the muscles aside to remove the dural band at the base of her skull. This gave the brain more room to move and it floated back up into the skull where it is SUPPOSED to be.

All reports that I have been texted or read on Facebook have all been very encouraging. I couldn't stop praying for her beautiful self all day yesterday and my prayers wont stop until she "can't believe it has already happened". This is when I stopped needing my prayers after my surgery. You get so much anxiety leading up to it: Excited to have the problem fixed, scared its going to hurt, can't picture the hurt so "who cares", back to being excited that it is going to happen! Then it happens. And when you wake up you have a sudden feeling of regret. "NO ONE said I would feel like THIS when I woke up?!" Maybe that's just me, but I feel like you prepare yourself for the results and not for the first day of recovering from a knife going in your body.. Molly woke up to a lot of pain. Thankfully, she was given morphine and was able to go back to sleep. Maybe I should remember that as a nurse. Patient going to surgery need to not only be taught what is going to happen, but also, how they will feel coming out of it. Not just what the first week is going to look like. BUT THE FIRST COUPLE HOURS. Those are honestly the hours I felt least prepared about. I was taught a lot before my surgery and how the next year of my life would be like afterward, but not the first couple hours.

MollDoll, I will still be praying for you today. When you feel up to it, please give me a call. I love you so much. I cried yesterday since I wasn't able to be there with you. And to be honest, I cried today writing this. I started it for other people to read that want to hear an update.. but I'm starting to think I wrote it for myself. I so wish I was there. Yesterday during clinical, I kept saying "I just want to be with my baby sister. She isn't supposed to go get her skull cut open when I am not around!!" I love you so incredibly much. You had no time to prepare for something as big as this, and yet you went into it with God's strength telling you "YOU CAN DO THIS!" Your strength is encouraging to me. If you can do that through God, then there is nothing anyone should ever question being able to do. Just know that I am sending my love, my prayers, my hugs, my kisses and my snugs.. (: I'll be home in two weeks for you. Wait for me!

Love,

The first time an older sister has had a real hard time "being there" for her baby sister.

First Time (almost) Passing Out!

So I know that it has been awhile since I have made a post on my wall, but I really haven't wanted to share how boring my days have been. Some of them have had some interesting fun times, but nothing really worth sharing to the world about! BUT, that all changed last Wednesday in clinicals! I am on the CHF (congestive heart failure) unit. AKA 7south. Last Wednesday was our first week being assigned to one patient and we were on our own with them. I was really excited about this because I was used to everything from working as a CNA so I wasn't nervous! I was just pumped to finally get a patient on my own!

So Tuesday afternoon I went over to the hospital to get my patient assignment and I logged onto their chart so I could learn about his condition and his personal situation. I had to research my patient and write everything down so that I would know what I would be getting into on Wednesday morning!

When I got to the hospital on Wednesday, I went up to the nurse that was assigned to my patient and asked her if there was anything I should be updated on since yesterday afternoon and informed her that I was her student until 11:30 and I could help her with anything that I had learned about up until this point. She told me that my patient had called 911 last night and told the operator that he was being held hostage. He also became really upset and began yelling and hitting and told everyone that he was being held against his will in a psych ward.... he admitted himself for his leg pain and heart problems... So I didn't get to do the bed bath or vitals like I was supposed to. Instead I got to help him order breakfast. Right as I am about to leave his room he asks me to help him find his pants that he came in with. I reminded him that they were probably with the rest of his belongings and he said, "Please look for my blue jeans!" So I looked around and found his jeans in a clear plastic bag. I brought them over to him and he pointed to a camo looking holster on his belt and I was like, "that looks like your cell phone holder" and he goes, "nope I think that is my knife." Good.. I just showed the hostage patient where his knife was... I put it away in a cabinet under a bunch of his other belongings and left before he asked me to locate anything else for him! When I get into the hallway someone asks me if I want to help with a bed bath! I jumped on the opportunity because I knew I had 3 hours and I wasn't going to spend that sitting in the break room...... The patient I gave a bed bath too was near 400 pounds. I had never helped someone this big with a bed bath, but I figured it would be fine and it was. She was the sweetest lady in the world and obviously didn't seem to have a problem taking off her gown for us and telling us how to help her get the best washing even if it meant telling us how to lift her rolls or how to help her roll over. She loved us so much that she wanted us to send in our instructor so that she could compliment us! (:

After I get out of that room I hear that there is going to be an emergency chest tube placement in one of the rooms... I jumped on that opportunity and booked it over to the room to see if there was any chance that I would be able to get in. I went in the room and watched as the doctor prepared the patient to have the tube placed. There were about 12 people in the room watching this poor patient. I started to get nervous when I noticed that they weren't going to be putting the patient under for this procedure. 2 nurses were helping to hold down the patients arms and legs as the doctor gave a shot of local anesthetic. Next the doctor asked for his scalpel.. Now I really started to get nervous and really excited at the same time. I felt invisible in the room just watching as the doctors and nurses all did their job to have this procedure done. I could tell that the patient was in an extreme amount of pain as the doctor cut open his chest and then slid the near 8 in. tube into his chest. I started to feel slightly light headed, but I just kept reminding myself to breath... apparently the patient was in too much pain because the nurse that was holding down his legs looked at me and was like "can you please hold his legs, he needs more morphine!" I was thrilled to be able to help and to get a better look! Once I started holding his legs I regretted my decision. I now had to feel him fighting against me and by his force I realized that he was in even more pain than I thought. He could barely talk because of how old his was but he managed to form the words, "get off me". I couldn't believe that this was such a normal procedure. I looked down as the doctor was sliding in the tube and then he says "wait for it... THERE" and all the sudden air started sputtering from the end of the tube. It was done and in successfully. Hearing that noise, seeing the blood, and feeling the pressure of the patients kicking was all I could handle. The nurse took over his legs and I turned around to look outside and started breathing. I was in the way back of the room farthest from the door. I looked at my friend Cali and the look on her face told me I was in bad shape. I said "I think I need out!" and she just goes "Your face is so white, get out of here." I started to squeeze my way out of the room as the doctor was about to stitch the patient back up... Each step I took, my vision got blacker and blacker! I thought I was going to collapse! I immediately went to get ice water and I could feel my hands and legs shaking. My vision was struggling to come back and I thought I was going to puke. Cali followed me out and made sure that I stayed distracted by asking me to follow her and she started asking about her patient and what she should do. I felt better pretty quickly, besides the shakiness. I realized that I was fine watching the shot, I was fine watching the incision, I WASN'T fine watching the patient be in so much pain and look so incredibly helpless. It made me feel sick knowing he was hurting so bad. Pain is one of my biggest fears and knowing that he was going through something so hard and just being held down through it was too much for me. I am so happy that I was able to be in there to see something like that, but I hope I don't have to watch many more procedures involving an awake patient...........

First Day of Clinicals

So today was another bright at early day of waking up and heading out the door with cara by 6:30. Today I had to be in my classroom with my clinical instructor by 7.. blah. I had clinicals from 7-1:30. This wasn't so bad since I was used to my clinicals from my CNA course that I took last fall. I did struggle a little bit when trying to understand my clinical instructor... She was born and raised in Nigeria... and then she starts trying to explain medical terms to us. Let me put this in perspective for you.. You are an english speaking american and some mexican is trying to teach you french.. AHH lets just talk about issues. I have just decided that I would rather seem slightly rude and just ask "what?" 100 times before i just let stuff go past me that I may need for a test or something later. Other than the medical terms I LOVE her accent (: It makes me want to listen to her talk! This is good because I pay attention a lot longer to her than I would for a normal professor that seems to have a mono tone voice and talks like this is their 2937492837 time saying this same lecture.. It's more exciting and I hope that it doesn't cause an issue...! After clinicals I just chilled at home and did some more homework. Last night I did homework at my friend Sam's house and we got some stuff done, but not enough which was frustrating. Im going to have to get used to having lots to do ALWAYS! After homework and dinner I skyped with Tim, Colin and Natalie (: Thanks for brightening my day you all!!

I should have gone to bed a long time ago but I really couldn't fall asleep without posting something!! I am hoping that once my classes and clinicals aren't all just syllabus' and orientations that these will start to pick up and become more interesting again. I am planning on doing some city exploring this weekend so that will make it better and it will also add to my non-existant pictures! My camera is in the shop being worked on so hopefully I can borrow Cara's this weekend and get some shots of my new city!!

Bailey Dawn

First Day of School! First Day of School! -Nemo

Ahh, my first official day of college! Super exciting! (: Who would have known 18 years ago that my cousin Cara would be driving me in to my first day! I was up bright and early today at about 5:45.... yuck! By 6:30 Cara and I were heading out the door! This was very nice to not have to search for the parking garage and I'm so glad that I got out of that because that was the talk of my first class today! EVERYONE couldn't find the parking garage and I even got a call from my friend on the verge of tears because she couldn't find it!! I'm SO glad that I didn't have to go through all that stress and that I was able to go with Morgan and Jaimee over to the parking garage later that day!

My first 2 classes today were like any other first day... BORING! They were very tied down to talking about their syllabus (like i've never seen one before..). They were both very similar and all information that I could have easily recieved in an email and then had a much better first day. Oh well, not everyone thinks like Bailey around here! Guess i'll get used to it. (; I got out of the second class early so Sam, Morgan, Jaimee and I all went to M&J's appartment for lunch! We had about 4.5 hours until our next class to kill. This time consisted of eating food and DOWN TIME! Sam passed out very quickly while the rest of us just sat on our laptops and chilled out for awhile. It was so nice..

My last class was called Bio111. I wasn't too thrilled about taking and bio class and I was kind of nervous about it because I hadn't tested up to this level in my placement exams, but opted out of taking the easier bio first to get "caught up". Now that the class is over, I am very excited for this class! It is actually an Anatomy and Physiology class! This was one of my favorite classes in highschool and I can't wait to now take this as a college student. I know that all of the labs are going to be just that much more exciting and more hands on and the information is going to be way more in depth and geared towards my nursing career! YAY for A&P! (watch this class turn into my enemy soon.. please no!)

So first day of class is over, now its time for dinner and an early bed time! I have learned over the past year or two I am definitely a night person, but I also love to sleep! I could stay up all night before I even thought about being tired, but if I were to lay down at 8 I would fall right asleep! It's getting up in the morning where I end up wanting to shoot something... Tonight I will be going to bed earlier and getting up at a decent hour. I don't have class until 11, which will be much nicer than todays stupid o'clock in the morning class (7:30), but I don't think my internal clock will be able to handle a completely different time to wake up every morning.... Wish me the best!

Here's to killing the night owl and learning myself to be a morning person!

Bailey Dawn

Story of the Day:

I was going to tell a story about my teacher for my first class today talking like GloZel to the point where I almost laughed out loud a few times... I decided that most people don't even know who she is. Then I was going to tell a story about searching for the non-existant parking garage after lunch, but that was boring. I couldn't really think of anything funny, but I do remember being slightly slap happy after my long day of classes today..

Morgan, Jaimee and I were sitting outside of the school waiting for the shuttle to come pick us up and take up to the parking garage in sketchtown. Many teachers were coming out the doors, saying hi and then carrying on to their vehicles. Well, as our A&P teacher came out, he walked out, nodded his head and said "ladies" and continued walking. I wouldn't have even realized his said this until Jaimee very quietly goes, "teacher". I started cracking up to the point where I had tears in my eyes! I don't know why that got to me, but it did! Maybe you can just laugh at how silly I am! (:

First Day of Church

Saturday I ended up choosing not to do a blog. Not because it wasn't interesting, but I was just not up for typing! Lazy I know, I know. It was definitely a great day though Saturday with Molly still in town for part of it and Sam Allen and Ben Harrington coming out here to spend the day! Again, just another fun filled day with friends before school starts on Monday! :o

Today (Sunday) was the first time visiting a church out here! The girls and I went to Christ Church, on accident and then realized we were supposed to be at Hope Church and left! It was only accross the street, so it wasn't a big deal, but it was quite embarrassing trying to explain to the wrong person at the wrong church that we were looking for a pastor that was not located in that church! Once we finally got to Hope Church we had a wonderful service and even found out some information about their college to young adult group called THiRST! Next week we will be trying Christ Church I guess! It looked pretty cool there too and they had a whole separate contemporary service! Im way into that idea!

Once I got back, Cara, Tim and I all crashed on the couches and beds and watched TV and a movie or two! Can't really remember, but it was nice to just beable to CHILL before my first day of school (: I even skyped with Tim for a long while and got all caught up with him!!

A beautiful Sunday!

Story for the Day:

Nothing exciting enough to report! :(

Steve Irwin vs. Orientation....

Ahh what a day (: I can feel it already, everyday for awhile is going to be an adventure! Everyday holds something new, and I just LOVE it! So this morning I woke up at 8:00 and started to attept to eat something for breakfast.. I really hate eating breakfast, but according to some I guess it's kinda important or something...? Anyways, after I ate a few cherries and started to feel sick like always after breakfast, I went back in my room and started getting ready and taking my time. I was debating if it was even worth it to go to another 6 hours of orientation. I was having a hard time thinking of good reasons to go. Once it hit about 8:30 I went back to watching tv. The Crocodile Hunter was on!! I haven't seen that in so long! It was getting close to time to leave, but I didn't want to leave Steve Irwin... I kept going back and forth, Steve Irwin or orientation.. I decided Steve Irwin was a much better option and finished the show at 9:00 (this was the time I was supposed to be at school). Then I packed up my lunch and headed out the door. Everything inside of me wanted to stay home and sleep some more, but I figured that if i stayed home they would decide to tell people the most important information of the century.... So off I went.

Orientation was not worth going to. Everything I heard was something I had already known about or something I could have easily found out about if I just went to college for a day or 2... Oh well. Just another 6 hours of my life that I will never get back.. nbd.

Afterwards I knew that I needed to get gas and that I needed to go grocery shopping. I GPS'd the closest gas station which was just a few blocks from the school. After getting some gas I headed to the Kroger grocery store that I saw on the way to the gas station. After getting slightly turned around and driving in neighborhoods I don't think I should have been in, I finally found it! Yep.. I have decided that Clifton is sketch. End of story. I will not be going to that Kroger again. Not to mention Cara would probably kill me if I did. She wasn't a fan that I went today :o Oopsies! I will say that as much as it can be dangerous out here in Cincinnati and that if I am not careful I will get hurt, I do just LOVE the change of scenery and just the beautiful mix of God's people. I was getting EXTREMELY sick of the white bread world of Crystal Lake, Il. It kind of reminds me as an exaggerated version of where I grew up in Elgin and of course my childhood will always be close to my heart. I think that is why I like it so much. (: I can definitely get used to this!

That sure wasn't the end to my adventures! I went over to Morgan and Jaimee's for dinner and Molly Harrington is down to visit us!!! It was so weird knowing it was just the 4 of us and that Jaimee and Morgan made dinner. It's such a fun feeling being off on our own! After dinner we all went to the mall, of course! We had such a fun time in Forever21(: We even picked out outfits for eachother and got a good laugh trying them all on! They sadly closed at 9:00... So of course that means we need to go to ice cream! I got some super yummy cotton candy ice cream and peach ice cream! I splurged and got 2 scoops, but it was so worth it! Yummm! We had a slight issue getting to Graeters, but with a stubborn GPS and a U-turn we finally made it! And no.. we didn't hit the minivan who seemed frightened by my Blazer.. (;

We are now all sitting in their living room, Molly is asleep, Jaimee and I are spamming Morgan's facebook wall and GetSmart is playing in the background! Did I mention they have their air conditioning on? AHHH! (ps. this isn't a normal occurance!)

I am so thankful for friends (: and so far, I just love Cincinnati!

Bailey Dawn

Story for the Day:

So while me, Jaimee, Morgan and Molly are all watching GetSmart and on our laptops, Me and Jamiee decide to spam Morgan's wall! This turns into us all commenting on every post so we all end up with about 100 notifications! Then we go to Molly's wall who is sleeping!! We didn't do too much before we came up with the grand idea to spam Taylor Stein's wall!!! He got near 300 nitifications from us! (: Love you Taylor! If any of you know him.. please go read his wall! You wont be able to get through it without laughing..

First Dinner with the Newly Weds

It's only 7:00 and I'm already on writing my blog! Wow I'm ahead of the game today! Score!

So, today was the boatride with my class. It was much better than yesterday! I was bummed that I couldn't sit at a table with Jaimee, Morgan, or Sam. I got to meet some pretty fun people though and found out later that they are going to be in my clinical group. It's helpful to be able to meet them before we start clinicals. We got to know each other, ate some decent food and then played 2 short games. Before the food part of our luncheon, some of the professors and administrators were coming around and getting to know the students. One of which decided he was going to ask where everyone was from at each table. When he got to me and I told him I was from the suburbs of Chicago he was shocked! I wish I could have taken a picture of his face!! He kept asking me how the heck I got all the way out to Cincinnati and just how excited he was to have me here! I was fine and he went on to the next student who talked about how she was from Cinicinnati (just like all the rest of the students here at Christ!). Apparently people from Cincinnati, STAY in Cincinnati! I don't think there are many out of state colleges that I could have chosen to go to that would be SO very surprised to have a student from another state.... Well anyways he went to the front and started talking about how happy he was that we were all here today and that there were students from all over the country! Then he looks at me... *crap*... and says, "we even have a student all the way from CHICAGO!!! WOW!!!" Then he later mentioned 2 others that were far. 3 of us?!!? That's just insane.

Afterwards I went home and was only 10 minutes late to mine and Taylor's skype date we had set up!(: I gave him a wonderful tour of my appartment and my room! It was soooo nice being able to see and talk to him again! Friendly faces always make me feel like I haven't really left and that things are going to be okay. Thanks Taylor for our wonderful conversation about anything and EVERY! Oh and for the random call as your trying to call your house! That was great as well (:

Then came my first dinner with the newly weds. We had some yummy spaghetti, garlic bread, and a caesar salad that was confused and decided it wanted to be a ranch salad. Everything was great (: Mid-dinner I am pretty sure that I witnessed the BEST disfunctional conversation EVER between Cara and Tim. Very short, but I was laughing pretty hard!

Cara: I think I need to visit the bano.

Tim: What's that?

Cara: The bathroom..

Tim: And what did you say?

Cara: Bano

Tim: What is that?

Cara: Bathroom!!

SO great! Apparently Tim was trying to ask what language it was... sure... (; Either way, I was dying!

Wonder what tonight will bring me...

Bailey Dawn

Story For the Day:

While I was in line to get food today at the luncheon I got the sweetest compliment! The lady in front of me turned to see who was behind her and 2o seconds later turns back around and is like, "darling that dress is just so cute! oohh and your shoes and all that! Aw girl you are just too cute for this boat!! Just stop it!" I was shocked! I said thank you like 5 times I think! (: She made my day!!